im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
