So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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