So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
