there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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