My Higher Power is John Stamos
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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