i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
