I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
