I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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