DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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