I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
