guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We got so high we made milksteak
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
