I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize