YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
