i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
