I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
