I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
