it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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