i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
