my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
