somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
