Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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