clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
