My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I understand Curling. That high.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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