Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
