Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
