they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
