I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
