her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
