we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
