Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
