What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
