and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
