and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
