so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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