My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
