i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
