Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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