i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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