i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
