so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
