I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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