i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
