You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
