If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
