There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Found the puke drawer
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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