i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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