I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
