Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
