he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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