Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
