sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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