I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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