I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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