she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
