Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize