I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
