You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize