I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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