I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
