no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
