Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
