morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
