I think I won the penis lottery.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
