She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
