I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
