Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
This toilet bowl is my home.
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