the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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