is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
