I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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