I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
