I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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