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That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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