At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
