Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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