After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
