i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
