; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
