So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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