he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
