I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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