Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
