question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize