I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
